


I know I won't be your Cry Baby

by OrangeJuice (DiegoBrando)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Porn, Blackmail, Bokuto has a girlfriend, Depressive Akaashi Keiji, Explicit Language, F/M, Gay Sex, Gay and Hetero Relationships, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Konoha blackmails Akaashi, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Mutual Masturbation, One-Sided Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, One-Sided Attraction, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Build, University Students, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:53:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiegoBrando/pseuds/OrangeJuice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the moments he spends by his best friend's side that let him breathe easily, but make his life a living hell at the same time.<br/>His heart is on fire - and so are his thoughts, when the ground beneath him and the sky above him suddenly start to crumble, all because of a single step that wasn't coordinated carefully enough.<br/>The terrors he puts himself through to keep his secret, are they actually worth it...?<br/><br/>Or in which Akaashi has a crush on Bokuto and fails at being secretive about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sell your soul, not your whole self

They had just finished practice as the Fukurodani team was filling into the locker room, the bright, artificial light coming down from the fluorescent tubes momentarily stinging in his eyes. Bokuto was the first entering, making it look as if he led them the way.  
  
“Good work everybody!”, their overly enthusiastic captain beamed back at the others, a white towel lazily draped across his right shoulder, hands propped up on his hips.  
  
The setter simply nodded in affirmation and headed straight for his locker at the very end of the quite narrow room, with two wooden benches aligned on each side. Bokuto's locker was conveniently placed right next to his and after just a second his gray haired best friend stood by his side, apparently trying to get his attention and thinking that elbowing his side lightly would be a good way to do so.  
Akaashi turned his head blinking slowly, signaling him that he was listening. Less did the older one know that his setter was expecting something specific and that his heart skipped a beat when those cheerful, golden orbs rested upon him.  
  
“Hey 'kaashi, do you think we could practice some more?”  
Exactly what the other had secretly been anticipating. His face didn't light up or show any display of his current emotional state, though.  
  
He found himself looking forward to this question every late afternoon practice. Because it would mean that he got to stay behind with Bokuto, no-one left in the locker room with them to catch him throwing a glimpse every so often at the ace's perfectly toned body, still slightly damp with sweat, as he undressed himself next to him. The very image that assured him release when he was alone in his room at night and his mind started wandering.  
  
Akaashi had no regrets, even if the little voice of reason inside of him called him a sick pervert. He was a brilliant actor. Hiding his true feelings was further simplified by Bokuto's complete obliviousness towards him. They had spent years playing volleyball together during high school and even now at university. For about this long the younger found himself crushing on the tall, strikingly handsome guy with the owl-y hair.

 

When they had parted ways because of Bokuto's graduation one year prior to Akaashi's, the latter was stupid enough to hope that it was just a homoerotic phase of his after all. But oh boy, was he wrong. Their captain didn't take his studies all too serious at first, and one day he suddenly showed up at Akaashi's house to ask the smart ravenhead for help when exam period approached faster than he thought, the look of despair on the taller one's face just a bit too endearing to simply tell him off.  
  
But tutoring him was a grave mistake after all, as Akaashi soon came to realize - because the younger boy found himself falling even deeper for the beautiful dork when they sat side by side in his room, being all by themselves for the first time ever. Now, they weren't teenagers anymore, Bokuto having just turned 21 and Akaashi soon to have his 20th birthday. But the butterflies in his belly were still there and he still got this awkward but pleasantly tingly feeling rising inside his chest, spreading down into his fingertips, whenever the ace looked in his direction and called his name. Oh, the way he called his name was what _really_ got to Akaashi.

“Alright”, was his short reply to Bokuto's request and with that he already found himself getting pulled back into the gym by a strong, yet oddly gentle hand on his forearm, the other team members not paying them any attention. But the area the ace's ever so slightly calloused fingers covered suddenly felt like someone poured gasoline on his skin and set it on fire. The charcoal haired boy gulped in the back of his throat.

  
Bokuto only let go of him as he basically jumped towards the net and grabbed a volleyball that was left lying on the floor nearby. Akaashi furrowed his brows and would have made a mental note to scold whoever was on cleaning duty this week, if it wasn't for everyone already knowing all too well that the setter stayed behind past practice to toss for their overly energetic captain.  
  
It was something like a ritual for them at this point; just the two of them practicing together while everyone else was tired and glad to head home. And Akaashi would have lied if he said that he didn't enjoy this alone-time with the older male.  
  
He wasn't in denial of his feelings anymore, yet Akaashi didn't plan on speaking up, ever. Not in this lifetime. The erections he got when he started to fantasize about his fairly muscular, tanned friend throwing him down on his bed and pinning him down, eyes piercing through him like those of a bird of prey, clearly spoke for themselves. But there was no way that it was a mutual longing for each other, for his captain probably was the most straight guy he had ever had the “pleasure” to crush on - and the simple, yet awfully cruel fact that he had a girlfriend of two years.

 

Her first name was Sana, 19 summers young, and she was the little sister of their former teammate and libero Komi-san, who wasn't too fond of the idea of Bokuto dating her at first. Just like Akaashi. But eventually the brunette had changed his mind about their relationship. Akaashi still despised her. He was green with envy whenever she stepped in his field of sight.  
  
Sana was a true beauty after all, with silky chestnut colored locks elegantly falling over her round, plump chest and framing her innocent face perfectly, making her thick lashed, almond shaped doe-eyes stand out. She barely wore make up, not like she had to at all. The way her feminine hips swayed as she walked right into Bokuto's embrace was something the setter strangely admired. Jesus, even her voice was perfect and soft like a warm spring breeze.  
He just couldn't compete. Akaashi found himself no match to her charm.  
  
What only made it worse for him was, that on top of her flawless appearance she was a really nice young lady, too. Polite, docile, calm - nothing like the loud Bokuto. She really gave him a hard time hating on her, the only reason for his grudge being the relationship with the man that he couldn't have.

  
“Toss for me, Akaashi!”  
  
He could stop over-thinking for the next hour and a half now as his captain beamed at him from the middle of the court. It was difficult, but the setter already got used to it in a way, so he managed well enough. And after their little solo practice he would enjoy the view of Bokuto undressing to stand under the showers together, the image still all too present when he closed his eyes later that night, as if it were burnt into his eyelids.

 

 

“So, you found yourself a date yet?”  
  
Akaashi was taken off-guard by his gray haired friend's question as they finished drying themselves off after the shower. He blinked at him in surprise and simply shook his head almost indistinguishably. He didn't even think about it in the first place.  
  
Bokuto was clad only in his towel wrapped lazily around his waist, stray droplets of water finding their way from his hair down onto his shoulders, running and disappearing down his chest and back. He looked like a fucking _god_ standing there, with his nicely tanned skin and muscular body. In his mind Akaashi stepped towards him, closing the little distance between them and running his fingers across his biceps, pecs and abdominals for the felt thousandth time since he could remember. He found himself breathless.  
  
“For Konoha's birthday party next weekend, I mean. I'm going there with Sana, of course.”  
  
Of course, was all he could think of. He had to bite down hard on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from repeating the words out loud.  
  
“No, I don't have a date for the party Bokuto-san”, repeated the charcoal haired boy out loud, in case the older didn't catch on his small gesture before.  
  
“Aw, don't be sad 'kaashi, I can hook you up with one of her friends, if you'd like! I'm sure you'd like them, they're all pretty cute”, suddenly golden orbs widened in terror and Bokuto got a begging look on his face, “oh shit, don't tell her I said that her friends are cute!”  
  
Akaashi forced himself to smile slightly, letting the taller man know that he had no intention to do so and that it would be alright, he didn't feel like going with someone anyway. Part of it was true, but the setter started thinking if it perhaps would help him get over his crush, if he just started taking an interest in seeing other people. But it was to no avail, he'd probably bore every girl with his lack of fascination and he couldn't say that he ever felt particularly attracted to the female gender anyway. He had never been attracted to any other male, either for that matter.

  
“Alright, I'll get going then. See you tomorrow, Akaashi!”  
  
He had been so lost in thought that the dark haired man didn't even realize that his friend had already put on his clothes and packed all of his things, probably in a hurry to meet his pretty girlfriend. They shortly said their goodbyes and Akaashi found himself standing alone in the middle of the locker room, still only covered by his towel, staring after the still wet, gray mop of hair. It was end of September and still pretty warm outside, so he would be fine. Otherwise his vice probably would have scolded him for not drying it off properly.  
  
He didn't know how long it took him to notice something odd - Bokuto had forgotten the shirt he had worn during practice. It was lying on the ground between his locker and the bench and must have slipped underneath there when he was packing his things at the speed of light seemingly and being him, he probably didn't see it lying there before heading off.  
  
Akaashi sighed and picked up the piece of clothing, planning to give it back to his captain the next day, when he halted. He felt the thin, dark blue cotton between his fingertips, rubbing it slightly between thumb and index finger. It was still a bit damp with Bokuto's sweat and if he brought it up to his nose... well, it probably would smell like the person he adored most out of all the people he knew.  
  
Sadly, he wasn't very good at being careful and since everyone had already left over an hour ago he thought himself safe from any possible witnesses.  
  
So in the next moment Akaashi already inhaled the heavy scent of his love interest, feeling his own frame trembling ever so slightly and his eyes fluttering shut. His heart rate picked up a faster pace, he stepped backwards to sit down on the wooden bench in front of his locker. The charcoal haired setter just couldn't take it anymore.

  
His hand wandered downwards, under the towel, and he started stroking himself - still breathing in Bokuto. It felt like _sin_. There were no other words to possibly describe his act at that moment, it was completely lewd and dirty. He wrapped his long fingers around his own length, feeling himself getting hard instantly. A low mewl escaped his lips and he imagined the strong, slightly calloused hands of his ace on him, feeling him up, getting him off.  
  
Akaashi's breathing became erratic and irregular far too quickly, he had never been this aroused before by merely thinking of the gray haired man and picturing him in his mind. Now he actually had a different stimulus, bringing a different one of his senses into the play. He had been physically close to Bokuto before, but never close enough to actually smell him this well. Usually he just smelt like the hair product he had been using that day anyway.  
His vision started to become blurry with lust and he was so fucking close to the sweet release of his orgasm washing over him, when suddenly the door to the locker room flung wide open.  
  
Akaashi instinctively attempted to cover himself with the towel he had discarded somewhere in the process of masturbating to his friend's shirt, cursing quietly under his breath, but it was no use, the tent between his legs being far too prominent not to be noticed by now, even the gesture of pushing it down seemed to just make the situation more awkward. And he was still holding onto Bokuto's property as he stared into the surprised face of a certain blonde team mate he had known since high school.

  
“A.. Akaashi? I was thinking you and Bokuto would have left already”, it was Konoha and he blinked as his eyes scanned the room, before resting on Akaashi who's face was beet red and felt like it was literally on fire. Instead of saying something the blonde just whistled quietly, a smug smirk plastered onto his features and he started to nonchalantly walk over to his locker.  
  
“I forgot my phone here, it seems Bokuto has already left? What you're doing here by yourself is none of my business actually, but.. _jerking off_ in the gym? _You_  of all people, Akaashi?”  
  
Konoha's voice had a mocking tone to it, as he continued to stare at the flustered setter sitting on the bench a few feet away from him. His view lowered to the dark blue shirt still tightly in Akaashi's grip and his grin just darkened at this. He then lifted the phone he had just taken out of his locker and the flash of the camera made Akaashi flinch and press his eyes shut, as Konoha tapped on the flat screen a few times and already stuffed the mobile device into his back pocket.  
  
“Isn't that what Bokuto was wearing to practice earlier? Oh shit, is it what I think it is?! And then you were totally beating it here, couldn't even wait to get home?” He sounded hysterical almost, the amusement written on his smug features.  
  
“Konoha-san”, was all Akaashi could muster up right now and it took him a lot of effort to say anything at all. He was wishing the earth would just open up already and swallow his petty existence whole.  
Clearly this was just the beginning of the nightmare.

  
“Please, could we.. please forget about this whole incident?”  
  
He tried to suppress the trembling of his voice as tears of humiliation started to pool at the corners of his eyes.  
  
He couldn't even look at Konoha for more than a second at this point, it was hard enough to say anything at all and Akaashi really had no idea how he should go about and explain this. He didn't get caught fapping to the smell of his supposedly best friend every day, after all.  
  
“Lemme think about it for a second.. Nah, _man_ I have a better idea!”  
  
The black haired male was now staring at his team mate in disbelief, as he took a moment to process the words, his mouth standing open before sputtering in disbelief.  
  
_“W-what..?”_


	2. Just to be quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I contemplated if I should update every Wednesday maybe, but since I had to get this out of my system already, enjoy lmao. /o/  
> This chapter contains non-con, as many more that lie ahead. I'msosorryok. ;;;;;;;

“ _Please, could we.. please forget about this whole incident?”_

 

_He tried to suppress the trembling of his voice as tears of humiliation started to pool at the corners of his eyes. He couldn't even look at Konoha for more than a second at this point, it was hard enough to say anything at all and Akaashi really had no idea how he should go about and explain this. He didn't get caught fapping to the smell of his supposedly best friend every day, after all._

 

“ _Lemme think about it for a second.. Nah, man I have a better idea”, the black haired male was now staring at his team mate in disbelief, as he took a moment to process the words, his mouth standing open before sputtering in disbelief._

 

“ _W-what..?”_

 

 

“I think we could handle this differently, Akaashi-san”, the honorific was now added to his name simply for mocking purposes, the setter found and his heart sank to the bottomless pit that was now his stomach, making him feel like he was about to throw up on the spot.

 

“Konoha-san, please I -”, he was cut off by a dismissive _'tsk'_ noise, accompanied with the shaking of the head from the blonde before he could express his request.

 

“I have something in mind already, y'know?", the open-mouthed grin on his face never faltering he continued, "I'm sure you're not gonna enjoy this”, Konoha chuckled and the setter felt his hands curl up into fists so tightly his knuckles were turning white instantly.

 

There was no way his own team mate was implying that he was going to blackmail him, right?

 

“According to your reaction, I don't believe you wish Bokuto-san to know anything about this, so I'm gonna make a deal with you here", Akaashi wasn't too keen on hearing him out, but it seemed inevitable. His lips stayed shut, teeth clenched so hard that he was destined to get a headache later.

 

"If you really want this to stay between the two of us, that is.”

 

_That bastard._

 

 

 

Akaashi tried to contemplate all the possible outcomes of this situation, but his mind was hazy with fear and the sickness pushing up his throat worse than ever. He found himself unable to comprehend the extent of what Konoha's suggestion could mean, it could basically have been anything.

 

All he knew right then was the exertion it took not to jump him right then and there and beat that shit-eating, self-assured grin out of his face. By all means, Akaashi was the least violent person he knew, but he felt completely on edge and the fear of losing _everything_ had him cornered like a wounded animal, ready to leash out any second.

 

But whatever it would be Konoha might suggest, nothing could possibly be worse than Bokuto finding out about his crush, even masturbating in the team's changing room because he left his belongings there with the sick, perverted Akaashi... right? Because if he knew what his setter and best friend at this point hid from him (and everyone else) he would surely be disgusted, never even to exchange a word with him anymore.

 

He was a straight male after all and he also had a fucking girlfriend of 2 years. The ridiculous amount of “no homo”s he exchanged with their friend Kuroo every time they met and so much as hugged as a greeting spoke for itself, also.

Surely Bokuto wouldn't want to share the changing room with a raging homosexual undressing right next to him, who also casually jerked off to his dirty shirt in that exact same room.

Their team play would be the very first thing to suffer from his stupidity and negligence. Akaashi could never forgive himself, he'd have to leave the team and take the guilt upon himself.

 

Word also traveled disgustingly fast around the campus, it wouldn't take too long until he'd have to switch universities, move to a different town perhaps. He didn't want to let it get that far, though and he was determined to do whatever it was Konoha asked him to do, in order to keep this between the two of them.

 

 

 

He didn't realize he was basically over reacting and letting his imagination run wild, painting only the absurdly worst scenarios possible in his head. Akaashi was just so very afraid that he had completely lost his usual cool demeanor, becoming absolutely vulnerable.

 

His breath got caught in his throat with every thought, making him choke and cough violently. He was doubling over in his sitting position for a few seconds, before gasping and looking up at the blonde who was standing still before him with pleading eyes, more than teary at this point.

 

“I'll... I will do it, anything, please – just. Don't tell him, _please_ ”, Akaashi found himself practically begging and the tears pricked at his eyes, before finally overflowing, teeth sinking into his bottom lip and drawing a faint taste of iron.

 

 

“Alright, alright. Stop crying already, just how do I say this?", Konoha lifted a hand to his chin, pretending to be deep in thought, "mh, guess I'll make it short for you then.”

 

He raised his shoulders shortly, his expression deadpan as the words spilled from his grin-split mouth, “since you like getting off so much, how about you lend _me_ a hand, Akaashi-san?”

 

 

 

“What”, the ravenhead finally thought Konoha might be joking after all and felt a small laugh bubbling up in his throat. He didn't believe his team mate was into guys anyway so he surely was simply picking on the vice captain right now. But the next words of the smaller man made him swallow that hint of relief down as suddenly as it had come.

 

“You heard me just well right now. I could also need some relaxation, you know?”

 

Konoha was pouting playfully, yet already undoing his belt and closing the small distance that had been left between them, thus taking the other's last tiny piece of comfort.

 

 

 

“Y-you can't be serious.. no, _fuck,_ no!?”  
  


Akaashi made an attempt to jump up, his previously aching member long gone flaccid again, just to feel Konoha's flat hand against his chest, restricting him in his movement and pushing him back down harshly. It was then that the anger came flooding back into Akaashi's being, filling up the pit in his stomach to the brink and he felt like it might explode out of him any second.  
  


“You said anything”, the blonde towering above him practically growled as he furrowed his brows tightly, “do what I fucking tell ya or this pretty little pic I took will make the round with a juicy caption, okay? I'm sure even that imbecile Bokuto would recognize and your fucking expression on it speaks for itself, Keiji.  
  


And don't you even fucking think about trying to take my phone and deleting it, I already mailed it to myself for backup!”  
  


The dark haired boy had never heard the guy he had known for ages speak in a manner like that. It made him flinch momentarily and he wished he could somehow just wake up already, because this all seemed like the worst dream he had ever had.  
  
  
“T-this is blackmail, Konoha, do you really want to -”, again he was cut off, this time by a forceful pair of lips pressing his own shut and he almost yelped in surprise. Akaashi tried to turn his face away and pull back, but soon realized he was held by the chin in a cold grip stronger than he imagined possible.  
  


When the other let go of him he felt like vomiting all over again.  
  


“I'm sure alright. Y'know, I had my eyes on you for a bit now, too. I always knew, Akaashi..”, the ravenhead couldn't even believe what Konoha was saying and silently repeated the words in his mind staring at him in disbelief. It seemed like the plot of a bad flick, starring a psycho and his victim.  
  


“Behind that sophisticated, calm demeanor of yours must be something really hot and.. _lewd_ ”, Konoha chuckled darkly and the setter felt like punching him once more. This whole ordeal really brought his worst to light. But if they got into a fist fight, there surely would be bruises on both of them and how would he go about and explain that to his team mates?

   
  


He could feel his last line of defense begin to slowly shrink away as the wing spiker pressed back into him, now already sitting on his lap, instantly grinding down on him. The friction caused him to swallow down a moan that threatened to escape his lips.

Akaashi didn't enjoy this – _at all_ – but his own body betrayed the setter, because apparently his dick didn't give a shit about who touched it, as long as it was finally a different hand than his own. He felt himself soon harden against his will when Konoha closed a quick hand around his shaft and started pumping it vigorously.

“You're so beautiful, Keiji”, the older male exhaled shakily, seemingly turned on just from touching his team mate, who was already half hard and still insistent on restraining himself from making any noise that could have let Konoha think he enjoyed this.

The blonde licked his lips, apparently still very determined to change his attitude, smirking all the while as he playfully rubbed the edge of his thumb across the slit of Akaashi's cock. He was leaking pearls of precum and it all felt so wrong, but there was nothing he could do to stop his body from responding to the foreign touch.

Pressing his teeth into his bottom lip violently brought back the dull taste of iron into his mouth, but it was no distraction. It didn't even take long, he felt awfully close to release and Akaashi was completely disgusted by himself. Konoha seemed to have noticed this, as he grabbed the setter's hand and shoved it into his pants forcefully.  
  


“You should return the favor, Keiji. It's not very nice of you to just sit back and enjoy yourself like that, y'know”, he drawled seductively and quietly clicked his tongue. Well, it would have been too good to be true if his torment would have been over that fast anyway, right?

Akaashi considered ripping his dick off and feeding it to him, Konoha really made him feel violent.

For now he would have to admit defeat, though and give in to the blonde's twisted demands, for he didn't want Bokuto to find out about him anytime soon, not like this.

The setter took a shaky breath and could feel the outline of the other's already fully erect cock through the thin fabric of his underwear. There was a damp stain on the front, right below his fingertips, and Akaashi kept himself from choking. It was absolutely repellent to him to touch this guy and he didn't even know if he could go through with it, without vomiting right into his face.

Konoha had the nerve to buck his hips and wrap his left arm around Akaashi's neck, pulling him in close and moaning right into his ear as he continued to stroke him lazily with his right hand. The ravenhead pressed his eyes shut and tried to let his mind take him to a different place, but it was no use. He couldn't escape the resounding walls of the small locker room, no matter how hard he tried.

 

He barely even palmed Konoha's erection, reluctant to pull it out from its cotton confines, when the blonde already spasmed against him with a high-pitched moan of his first name.

“K-Keiji!”

Akaashi never hated his name as much before as when he felt the fabric stain with sudden warmth.

He quickly pulled his hand away and shuddered in ultimate disgust. He had no luck, though, because the older boy was still very much determined to make him cum. All the setter could possibly do was to try to get it over with as quick as possible.

His eyes fell shut and a familiar face appeared before him. Abusing Bokuto for this felt so sinful and humiliating, but it did the trick and made him spill quicker than he had anticipated.

 

Obviously satisfied with the result Konoha raised himself from his lap and wiped a cum stained hand on the towel Akaashi had used to dry off and hide behind earlier. He didn't say much, just smiled at the dark haired boy. It was infuriating, but there was not much fighting spirit left in the exhausted setter who still tried to come down from his high.  
  


As suddenly as Konoha had emerged earlier, he was gone then. Just a hushed promise not to tell anyone still lingered and Akaashi finally broke.

He felt so disgusted by his own existence, so stained and soiled, it was a feeling he couldn't just wash off in the second shower he took that afternoon in the locker rooms. He tried to avoid looking into the mirror above the sink then as best as he could, scared of finding a complete stranger staring back at him.

The 19 year old didn't leave the gym until the September sun had started to set outside and his phone screen already read way past 7pm. He walked slowly, his mind gone completely blank as he tried his best avoiding to think about what had happened to him back in those walls. Akaashi caught the train to the station closest to where he lived, a small apartment in a rundown complex just 10 minutes away from campus. Half an hour, if he missed the train and had to walk.

The area wasn't really that great, but rent was cheap - so naturally most of his neighbors were students just like him. But of course there was also your occasional college dropout and shady elderly man, rumored to collect the panties of young school girls. Akaashi didn't really take part in the gossip, neither was he particularly interested in socializing at all. He had many old friends who didn't live that far from him, after all. Some of them, those that used to attend Nekoma High when they had met, had moved into the area as well. Mostly because Kuroo wanted to hang with Bokuto more frequently after graduation and dragged his boyfriend, Kozume-san, along with him.

 

After arriving at his apartment and taking off his shoes Akaashi went straight for the bathroom again. He hadn't eaten anything since lunch but there wasn't even a trace or a feeling that could have resembled hunger. He had an idea that whatever he would try to eat wouldn't stay inside of his stomach for long, anyway.

The third shower didn't make him feel any better, either.

Standing in front of the bathroom sink the ravenhead finally lifted his gaze to look at his appearance in the mirror. He didn't look any different from this morning, to his own surprise.

His hair was wet and disheveled, the black locks sticking to his forehead stubbornly. His eyes were still that dark green, of which Bokuto once said it reminded him of a calm, deep forest. He didn't even know their captain was capable of being so unintentionally poethic. The comparison had caused Akaashi's heart to flutter madly. Now the thought of it just made it shrink in on itself.

Deep, dark forests are mysterious, after all and bear many secrets.

Suddenly his emotions welled up and spilled out from inside and he landed a sharp punch into the mirror, cracking it on impact and causing the tight skin on his knuckles to burst slightly. The sharp pain made him hiss as he swallowed a scream of despair and he let out a low sob instead.

Shaking from head to toe Akaashi stood in front of the sink, staring down at the fragments of mirror that had rained down into the white porcelain and stuck inside the back of his bloodied right hand, minutes passing and tears rolling from his cheeks ceaselessly.

Would he really be able to go on with this, if he already felt so weak and pitiful...?

He tried to reason with himself and his current situation, which seemed actually hopeless.

_Man up already, damn it._

He tried to tell himself that so far what Konoha wanted from him in exchange for his silence wasn't even that bad.

 _But wasn't it technically rape?_  
  


Akaashi didn't sleep much that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't beta'd, so if you find any mistakes, feel free to tell me!  
> (I'm so fucking insecure about my writing lol.)


	3. I watch us fall apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is Wednesday my dudes. /o/  
> This chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones, I hope I can keep this up. :')

Akaashi would have described himself as a morning person without hesitation, if someone had asked him before. He usually didn't have any problem whatsoever rolling out of his warm sheets and getting ready for University at the break of dawn. He went to bed early, slept quietly and peacefully and he couldn't remember the last time he actually had a nightmare.  


Now, however, after the recent events getting up in the morning had proved itself as unexpectedly difficult to him.  
  
The last time he had pushed the side of his phone to make the screen light up in the darkness of his bedroom was around 5am, he only fell asleep shortly after. His first lecture for the day was scheduled for 8am, making him get less than 2 hours of a night's rest from tossing and turning around.  
  
For the first time in forever, just for a moment, Akaashi even contemplated skipping classes or at the very least calling in sick. He really didn't feel at the top of his mental – or physical – abilities that day, but he didn't want to make anyone worry about him. Especially not his best friend when he wouldn't show up for Volleyball practice in the afternoon.  
  
Bokuto also had a bit of a habit of showing up at his place when told strictly not to do so and that would just make things more complicated at that moment. He guessed it was just the gray-haired's way of making him see that he worried about him a lot and cared more than it might seem. Akaashi couldn't help but think it was also a bit of his rebellious side coming to light, not obeying his younger familiar and doing what felt right to him.  
  
Though, his spontaneous visits sadly became less and less since about 2 years ago, around the time Bokuto met his first girlfriend. He couldn't possibly blame the older male for anything, it was the most normal thing to happen. Boys meet pretty girls and the other way around and friends aren't as important anymore as they used to be.  
  
Only that the boy with the golden eyes still meant everything to him and Akaashi started to wonder if things are really supposed to be this way, once you get into a relationship. He still couldn't imagine dating anyone but Bokuto, but the possibility was there and if it would happen – well, he was certain it wouldn't change a thing about their friendship, after all it was an important part of his life and he needed the ray of sunshine that was Bokuto like the air he breathed.  
  
The conclusion he then found was a bitter one. He probably never meant as much to his best friend as he naively made himself believe all this time. That his romantic interest and attraction were one-sided was clear to him. But Akaashi suddenly began to feel like it started to be the same with their friendship and the thought alone made his stomach churn, the familiar feeling of sickness pooling in the back of his throat and he felt hot all over, tears starting to pool at the corners of his eyes and spilling, staining his cheeks.  
  
It was way too early to be thinking this much. He hadn't even left the house and at this rate he would miss his train and be late, so Akaashi forced himself together as well as he could and went about his morning routine, glad for the fact that he was on his own and nobody was there to take pity on him.  
  
After using the bathroom, getting dressed and having an obligatory cup of unsweetened, black coffee that he couldn't even really enjoy that particular morning, he put his keys into the dark brown fake-leather messenger bag he was carrying and stepped into his shoes.  
  
The outfits he picked for University were relatively simple, usually just button ups and dark Jeans, yet Akaashi always managed to look ridiculously good in them, as his course-mates would say. He took the compliments with a shy smile, never really getting used to them and still surprised every time. Silently imagining what they would sound like falling from the mouth of his best friend, who happily agreed with them, but never spoke up on the topic himself.  
  
Akaashi checked his phone on the relatively short walk to the station, it read 7:36am. He was tired as hell but still sped up his steps, arriving perfectly on time and getting into the wagon that already waited for passengers with its doors wide open. It was always really crowded at this time of the day, but he didn't mind standing. The possibility of accidentally falling asleep while leaning onto some stranger and embarrassing himself completely was slightly smaller this way.  
  
What he didn't expect was Konoha waiting for him at the station.  
  
The sight of his neatly brushed blond hair and the sly smile spreading across his facial features made his heart drop into the bottom of his stomach in under a second. Akaashi couldn't recall that the older student also used the train to get to University, he must have been there for him specifically. Part of the ravenhead was still hoping it was all just a bad dream, but it started to feel terribly realistic again when Konoha didn't hesitate and pulled him into a short hug, his warm breath whispering across Akaashi's ear. His entire body froze up and he had to swallow hard, resisting the immediate urge to push him away.  
  
“What happened to your hand?” The taller male didn't catch on that he was now talking to him, blinking absent-mindedly and raising his right hand into his field of sight.  
  
He barely remembered what he had done last night, save for the fact that he had completely lost his shit in the bathroom, not quite literally per se. A white bandage adorned his digits to cover the shallow cuts that the broken mirror had left.  
  
“It's nothing, don't worry about it”, lowering his arm in a dismissive gesture and sighing lowly he averted his gaze, trying not to look the other into his eyes.  
  
“Oh my, you better come up with something creative”, chuckling quietly his tormentor walked side by side with him to campus. He tried not to pay him too much attention, he was sick enough as it was and his mere presence was to blame.  
  
Akaashi knew that Bokuto, stubborn as he was, wouldn't be as easily convinced as Konoha. The wounds were small and merely burned upon contact, otherwise his hand was okay. He could join practice and toss to him with this injury just fine, but his gray haired friend would still demand a proper explanation.  
  
He made a mental note to think about this during the first lecture, as he couldn't quite clear his mind as long as Konoha was around.  
  
  
  
  
Time passed awfully quickly and before he knew it Akaashi walked into the locker room, only to be greeted by an overly energetic captain with his trademark “hey, hey, hey”, to which he nodded smiling almost unnoticeably.  
  
“Hello, Bokuto-san”, trying to stay as neutral as always.  
  
The ravenhead had done his best to avoid bumping into his best friend all day. He even managed to come up with a plausible story to tell him in case he started to ask questions about his minor injury, but it took him a long time to notice at all and Akaashi didn't know whether he should have been glad about this situation or devastated.  
  
“Hey, what's this?” Without considering the younger male's personal space, as per usual, Bokuto took his right hand into both of his slightly larger palms and surveyed it questioningly. A blush threatened to spread across Akaashi's cheeks upon the feeling of his warm, slightly calloused fingers touching his own. They were so terribly gentle and his heart skipped a beat, a tight knot forming in his throat.  
  
It took him everything to regain his self-composure and he pulled his hand away slowly, forcing a calm smile onto his features.  
  
“It's nothing, Bokuto-san, I just broke a glass and cut myself when I tried to pick up the pieces”, he was back to being an actor, the tone of his voice not giving away his lie and thanks to the clean white wrappings around his skin the other wouldn't be able to tell whether the injury was from picking up glass or straight up punching a mirror.  
  
“Alright, you should really be more careful! Do you think you can play today?”, to which Akaashi simply nodded and started to change into his training clothes like everyone else around him.  
  
  
  
  
This time, their after practice was also different.  
  
The tall ace walked up to him, a volleyball tucked safely under his arm and he looked surprisingly expectant: “Hey, 'kaashi, do you maybe wanna hang out tonight, go grab some food or something together?”  
  
His eyes widening slightly and blinking slowly, Akaashi wondered if he actually heard these words out loud or if it was just his imagination playing a trick on him, so he stayed quiet as Bokuto explained himself. He probably noticed that the setter was taken aback by his sudden interrogation, because he came closer and smiled apologetically at him.  
  
“I noticed that we didn't do shit together in a while now... and Sana has to study for an exam or something anyway”, he felt a sudden pang of jealousy and he could swear it was hurting physically even.  
  
There it was, the reason why Bokuto suddenly asked him to spend time together. Not because he actually wanted to hang with his apparently best friend or because he missed spending time with him, but because his cute little girlfriend was busy.  
  
Akaashi had to hold himself back more than ever. He wanted to scream at him, punch him in the face maybe, but the sharp pain that shot up his right wrist when he curled his fingers into a fist reminded him of the futility of it all. He couldn't show his jealousy, not even as a friend. It would only make matters worse and make Bokuto feel bad.  
  
He could further sense someone staring at him and from the corner of his eye he found Konoha standing within hearing distance.  
  
“Sorry for disrupting you, but I fear Akaashi isn't free today”, the blonde stepped closer and had the decency to put his hand on the taller setter's shoulder.  
  
“He promised me to help with the last preparations for my party”, the black haired male wasn't sure if he should feel thankful for the excuse Konoha had made up for him. In the end it all just played up to his favor and he would be the one profiting.  
  
“Aw damn, I don't have a clue about that stuff or I would've offered to help you two”, Bokuto actually looked really sad about this and Akaashi was honestly surprised.  
  
“It's alright, we basically just have to organize some things with the clubs and all, really it's fine.”  
  
“Call me if you need some back up, though!”  
  
Konoha thanked their captain for the friendly offer and the 3 of them made their way into the changing room together. Everyone else was either already showering or on their way out, to head home or elsewhere.  
  
Akaashi hurried up as to not stay behind with Konoha, he felt an invisible threat hovering above his head all this time. He was genuinely scared out of his mind and twitchier than he had ever felt. He didn't even pay attention to their naked captain as he usually did anymore, all he could think of was getting out of that room that seemed to close in on him and rob his sanity.  
  
But after they showered, got dressed and walked outside together, Bokuto still at his side, he started to breathe a bit easier once he got out of the tightness of those cold walls. At this point he didn't think the blonde would actually have plans with him today and he couldn't wait to get home and try to catch up on some sleep. It was about 6pm and his whole body felt sore and heavy already, the bandages around his hand were damp, because he wanted to wait until he was alone at home before changing them.   
  
But after they said their goodbyes to Bokuto who left immediately, waving back at them, Konoha grabbed a hold of his arm as Akaashi tried to leave in the opposite direction. “Hey, we had plans, remember?”  
  
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Akaashi's heart started to throb painfully as it sank down into his stomach and for a moment it felt like it would slip right through his other intestines. He didn't know what to say, his mouth opened, yet nothing came out. The blonde just smiled and shoved both of his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he walked off slowly.  
  
Akaashi couldn't possibly run away, Konoha still had the material to blackmail him with and he knew he would.  
  
His ears began to rang loudly, mind going completely blank as he felt himself obliged to follow the slightly smaller male. His feet felt heavier than ever before and he practically had to drag himself along as they made their way off campus, the blonde trying to catch his attention with meaningless chatter and small talk all the way. It seemed as if he wasn't even aware of the reprehensibility of his actions, as if what he was doing to him was perfectly fine.  
  
Konoha suddenly stopped in front of a small coffee shop, smiling back at the black haired male. “What do you want? It's on me.” He was pointing towards the menu on the wide display window, reading various beverages, most of them caffeinated but with few exceptions.  
  
Akaashi was a bit taken off-guard by this sudden act of friendliness and didn't really want to owe the blonde anything. Their relationship was twisted and weird enough as it was, but after he wouldn't budge and insisted on buying him a hot drink before they would carry on, he reluctantly picked a black coffee, the cheapest choice there was and his secret favorite anyway. He had never been a fan of fancy or sweet drinks and to be very honest, he could use some caffeine.  
  
Dragging him inside and picking a medium sized latte macchiato himself, Konoha placed the order and they stood there waiting in silence.  
  
The smell of the small coffee shop and the interior, completely held in warm earth tones, were oddly calming to his nerves. Akaashi had never been there before, since it wasn't exactly lying on his way to University, but it seemed as if his team mate was a regular as the cashier and barista recognized him instantly.  
  
They were a tall, handsome brunette, hair tied neatly into a man-bun, with some slight stubble framing their chin just right and their broad chest was adorned with a white apron. Akaashi remembered him from somewhere, he could have sworn, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on it. If the situation he was currently in would have been a different one he might have tried to take his time and figure it out.  
  
He remained calm all the while, though. Maybe he would return some other time, when he was alone, or with Bokuto. He found quite a liking to the place as it was so soothing and the prices seemed very acceptable. It was only to expect, since a large part of the customer base must have been students like them.  
  
Strangely he really didn't feel so on edge anymore and even smiled ever so slightly as the blonde paid and held out his light brown paper coffee cup for him to take before they left the coffee shop together.  
  
  
  
  
Who knew? Maybe in an odd parallel dimension Konoha and him could have ended up being happy together. Until a day ago he didn't even think badly of his comrade once, they were never particularly close but he would have considered him a friend nonetheless. This sudden turn of events seemed rather unfortunate for the both of them.  
  
Had Konoha told him about his feelings for him without being a complete abusive asshole about it Akaashi might have tried going out with him, even. But in the back of his head there was a constant, stinging pain reminding him of what exactly he was doing to him at that moment. He really shouldn't start to sympathize with his tormentor, now, but he found it hard to see a reason to hate him when he was behaving as normal and friendly as ever. It made everything horrible that happened to him during the last 24 hours seem like an illusion, almost.  
  
As they went on, the shops to the sides of the street became less and after passing a 24 hour convenience store at a street corner it was awfully quiet around them, the noise from cars and from the plethora of people had almost vanished. Akaashi tried his best to keep his composure, focusing on the hot paper cup in his hand, the contents still slightly too hot to drink just yet. Until Konoha finally spoke up again he felt as if he could hear his own pulse and blood rushing in his ears relentlessly.  
  
“So, has Bokuto told you anything about Saturday yet?”, Akaashi only shook his head lightly in response, he had no idea what to expect. Taking a careful sip from his coffee he studied his surroundings of family homes, with high walls enclosing them and gates that led into neatly kept front yards. It looked nothing like the apartment complex that he lived in and it felt almost foreign to be there.  
  
Konoha didn't live that far off campus, Akaashi realized as they made their way through the residential area. They had barely even finished their drinks when Konoha pointed to a small but well off looking house, flinging his half empty paper cup into a bin at the side of the path, Akaashi following suit.  
  
“Let's head upstairs right away”, he called out to him, walking a bit faster towards the entrance gate, already pulling out his keys and the ravenhead suddenly felt a very familiar twinge of hatred and sickness pooling inside his stomach. He wished he could somehow prevent this from happening, but no matter how he tried to look at it, there was probably no way he could convince Konoha to stop.  
  
It turned out that his parents weren't at home and the house was engulfed in that same awful silence Akaashi had experienced earlier. Normally the absence of any source of sound was his preferred environment, but now it just seemed to crush his skull and consume him from the inside. After they took off their shoes in the hallway, Konoha led them up the staircase and into his room, smiling all the while.  
  
“Make yourself at home”, Akaashi didn't know what he had planned but the bitter mixture of panic and disgust began to boil in his stomach again. He had to try, at least. Maybe he could talk his friend out of whatever he was about to do to him today.  
  
And if it didn't work, he probably just had to accept his fate.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, this is my first Fanfiction, couldn't have picked a better topic. [sarcasm off] :'^))  
> But I got the idea for the beginning of this partly from a Fanart, mostly from my own sick mind. I don't know how many chapters there will be in the end, or how it will end at all. I'll probably let comments inspire me also.  
> English isn't my mother tongue and in case you find mistakes, please feel free to correct me. Help is much appreciated! :'D /sweats loudly.  
> \- Vic


End file.
